Spring is a hopeful time of year. We watch plants and trees grow and develop; we are relieved when the critters and birds reappear, even if they scrounge in the gardens. How many of us, though, feel sadness that winter is left behind? This year, I do. A little bit.

I wanted more chance to play in, work through, and mutter about the snow. I wanted to bundle up in all the winter gear I have to keep the frigid winds at bay. I wanted more fun making tracks in the snow.  But that ‘melancholy’ didn’t last long once I went outside, saw the crocuses seemingly ignoring the calendar, and started turning the dirt in the garden.

Crocuses" declaire" the changing of seasons

Seasonal changes come, events happen, and issues arise whether we want them to or not. Changes we want to make in ourselves are not as inevitable. The quick rise in popularity of Duhigg’s new book on habits is an example of how interested we are in understanding and making change “stick”.

It seems that sometimes we don’t acknowledge enough the part of us “we leave behind” when we make changes we want to make. We are skeptical that we’ll ever become comfortable in the new place, even though in our heads we know it’s a good change we are making. Anatole France’s quote reminds us of this transition.

Give yourself time, and grace, for making personal changes. The harder we are on ourselves for a slip-up here and there, the less we will be allowing the mourning for the passing of that former part of us. The more it will stick around, despite the wishes in our conscious heads for it to go away. They’re called habits because they become unconscious and natural, like a golf swing. We change successfully when we are able to mesh the conscious and the unconscious, when we “understand” that we now “feel comfortable” with a new way of being.

Aren’t we humans fascinating!  This is what I believe. Please feel free to declare what you believe in the comment space.

Cathy Carmody

Cathy Carmody

Yes, it takes more time. And your staff will appreciate your effort to have a discussion that really connects with them as individuals. In such a discussion, talk about what they want to achieve, and how together you will accomplish what needs to be done.

If you’ve already had the discussion and found the forms unhelpful, take the time now, while the memory is fresh, to develop something that works for you. Introduce it and use it to create great performance during the coming year. Then when you must complete the forms in the ‘official’ system, adapt what you have to fulfill the requirement.  Better yet, work with your HR staff to change to a more useful catalyst for discussion!

So I taught myself to use the mouse left-handed. That change made me physically more comfortable; I became used to the IT guys needling me about using a left-handed mouse when they wanted to work on my computer.  (These were the days when IT had to be at your computer to change anything.)

Try mousing with your other hand to learn about change.

Recently, I had a sore left arm that made using the mouse uncomfortable. I told myself it wouldn’t be any problem switching back to the right hand temporarily. I am right handed, after all. But this switch seemed to be more difficult than the original exchange.  For a long time, my left hand kept going out to the left side, only to find nothing there except a feeling of being lop-sided.

I’ve not done any scans on my brain (then or now), and I am not researching handedness articles for this post. What I did notice was my physical habits: I use my left hand a lot more than I thought I did. I didn’t realize that I frequently pour liquids from a bottle using my left hand. I hold sandwiches in my left hand, so much so that they fall apart if I try using my right hand.  I find myself using my new smart phone left handed (but not for Angry Birds or swyping).

I’ve noticed something else: changing my physical position affects how I view and sense the world.  I am more aware of how I notice.  I am more sensitive to how my physicality (body language, externally) might be affecting how I communicate my message.

Has my brain switched or is it a habit switching issue? Probably both.  What’s more important is that originally I had chosen this change.  Purposeful, chosen change is perhaps easier, more focused.  This time, though, I made the change more out of necessity, reluctantly.  It was not as comfortable. Yet it awakened my senses.

My conclusions for now?  If you want to become more attuned to how you tune in to the world, purposely change something physically for yourself.  Take different routes to familiar places or sit in a different place in a room.  When you make changes that affect others who have not chosen the change, use this experience to remind yourself that they might be uncomfortable and highly sensitive to what is going on during the change.  The chances for success of your change efforts could be increased by your personal sensitivity to their changes.

Have you tried changing an aspect of your physicality? Please feel free to declaire what you noticed.

Thanks for stopping by,

Cathy

Here’s a way to tell if that person was a good or great leader. After you’ve encountered a good leader, you’re impressed with that leader. After you’ve engaged with a great leader, you’re impressed with yourself.

In your experience, does this work for friends, family, colleagues, coaches, too? I’m noodling on what this says about how we might interact better with each other. Let me know what you think.

Most of us are great at asking the closed-ended, data oriented questions: have you finished that project yet? When will you be done? Did you take care of that? We’re outcome focused, typically short on time, and usually get the data and information we want. But we also miss an opportunity to build or enhance trust in the relationship; we miss the chance to develop different kinds of thinking abilities in those whose work we depend on for our success and satisfaction.

Effective leaders are seen as people who take stands, provide answers, and point action toward a certain direction.  These are essential keys to success. Yet, what has impressed me most about winning leaders I’ve known is their ability to probe issues, ask questions, inquire deeply into an issue. In other words, they develop into good coaches.

Leaders need to choose words with care

Most leaders can tell people what to do just fine, thank you, and we’ve all no doubt worked for people who do just that. But how many people have you worked with who ‘tell’ you what to do by asking you questions so you decide together what the best course of action is? So that you create your personal sense of ownership in the work? I’d wager that leaders you’ve known who have done that are some of your favorites.

One skill I work with clients to enhance is their ability to ask open-ended questions more consciously and strategically.  Why do that? Yes, it may take more time to get the information. Yes, the person may seem to never stop talking. Yes to other reasons not to do this.  Yet, when clients take the courageous chance to build this ability into their leadership style, they proclaim more satisfaction, less fire fighting, and even a greater sense of being a leader.

Here are two examples. Please share and declare your own in the comments section.

• Rather than ask whether the person followed the checklist in the course of investigating an error, ask how the person performed the work. This is a more neutral approach, allows for a broader focus on the context of the situation, and does not  ‘accuse’ the person of poor work habits. If the person doesn’t mention following the checklist, then ask more pointedly about it and explore what interfered. The person is likely to know it in any case once you ask (and be embarrassed), and realizing one’s own mistakes is a more powerful teacher.
• When someone is struggling with a project, rather than focus on his personal difficulties by asking, “What’s your problem?”—and perhaps creating a sense of helplessness, ask how you can help. The help you are offering is not to do the work or alleviate the work load. “Help” is the conversation of walking the person through the situation, the issues, and road blocks, and showing how/whether the thinking process is helping or hindering progress.

These types of conversations do require time and patience. Choosing your words with care is a courageous act, as is any change in habit. In the long run, you’ll save time, improve your relationships, achieve more, and feel better about yourself as a leader.

Thanks for stopping by to read.  I’m interested in your thoughts, what would you like to ‘declaire’?

Cathy

Observing The Water We Swim In

Alas, I’m no Tom Friedman or David Brooks, both of whom I admire for their ability to observe the world and make sense of it in writing.  As a coach, my role is to observe, listen and communicate with clients in ways that help them achieve their dreams and goals, grow, and make sense of their own worlds.  Using historical examples, whether current or past, to illustrate leadership and communication principles clients are learning and practicing often appeals to them.  It broadens their abilities to observe outside themselves, regardless of their political persuasion.

What a fertile area for discussion about change these movements are—making change and living through it! Friedman is right that these movements are more existential than political.  After Mubarak resigned, President Obama mentioned in his brief speech that what the Egyptians were gaining was the ability to be themselves.  It struck me as an elegantly simple way of speaking about what I do: I help clients be themselves. I foster hope for this possibility to make changes.

Like the saying that a fish sees everything around it except the water in which it swims, we Americans see other cultures, notice differences, but we don’t notice an essential part of ours: that the water Americans have been swimming in since the early 1800’s (at least white, male, straight Americans) is one in which we have not had to worry much about the right to be ourselves.

It is an ongoing challenge to notice the water in which we swim, to be our own observers, so we indeed can become our best, true selves.  Successful makers of change, whether leaders or coaches, are able to observe the ability of their constituents or clients see their own water.  For some, it is useful to compare and contrast their experiences with historical contexts; for others, journaling about more personal or family experiences helps create awareness.

We Swim in Challenging Waters

How and when do you notice the water you swim in, and how does that help you become more of yourself?

Thanks for stopping by to read.  I’m interested in your thoughts, what would you like to ‘declaire’?

Cathy

Are you on track to your goals?

If you are confident you are making progress and, as a former manager of mine used to say, you are ”moving the peanut forward,” congratulations!  Take note of what’s working for you so you can continue to make progress. Perhaps you’ll engage colleagues about your lessons along the way.

If, on the other hand, you are looking for more momentum to get on track, and stay there, the tips below might be useful reminders.

• If you never wrote your goals down in the first place, now is a good time to do so.  Don’t wait until the boss asks you at the end of the year to complete you performance evaluation self-development section. You’ll be amazed how writing developmental goals on paper helps commit you to them! (A client uses this one to stop the automatic negative: “Say Hmmm and breathe before responding to an idea someone presents.”) Posting goals visibly nearby sounds corny, but it works.  You will have them “in your face” every time you look at your reminder place, whether that’s your paper calendar, a smart phone, or bulletin board. (Checking them off with each accomplishment can serve as a dash board, will feel great, and keep you motivated.)

• Do you feel good about the direction you are taking right now, even if you don’t agree with your company’s direction? If not, review what’s important to you in each role you inhabit (leader, co-worker, direct report, mentor, etc.).  Which roles need your attention the most? What is one thing you can–and will–do TODAY in each area to give you a greater sense of satisfaction ?
• Do you have too much on your list?  Determine whether you are expecting too much in too short a time. Visualize yourself going through the next week.  Are you allowing time (even if only 10 minutes a day) to check in with your Self? If not, are you expecting too much of others also? How are your expectations helping and hindering yourself and others?
• Stop working just for the money. Whaat?, you ask. In this economy, how can it be otherwise? Seriously, though, some people learn through disappointment that money is a means, not an end in itself.  One day they wake up–sure they have a job, but they’re not eager to get out of bed to go to work.  Then they wonder what is going on.  Pay attention to your energy levels: What gives you energy, what zaps your energy? Start working for the love of what you do. And, if you’re not doing what you love? Then reexamine your beliefs and goals, and start moving in the direction of greater fulfillment.  Find a mindset that serves your goals and helps  you move your peanut forward.

That’s what I declaire. What works for you to keep yourself on track? Please feel free to share your thoughts and recommend your favorite tips.

Cathy

Take time to stop, assess progress

The rush to transition from this year to next is often a combination of focus and productivity, fun and exhilaration, burden and relief. However,  just because you are moving doesn’t mean you are going to arrive where you think you are headed!  It is ironic that part of making successful progress is to STOP to assess the path you are traveling to find out whether it’s still the correct path.

The type of progress I refer to is not the conventional one measured by the completion of projects and tasks for adding to a performance review or for ensuring the next round of funding.  Those of course are important and can create powerful conversations in their own right.

The advancement I refer to is the fundamental movement in your personal progress and growth.  This is different from professional progress in your field of choice. This more pivotal progress enables courage in the face of uncertainty and ambiguity; builds and encourages Self love; permits personal congratulations and kudos.

Improving professional knowledge and acumen can give you these things as well.  But in today’s frenzy of fingers-on-phones-while-driving, you are more likely to find satisfaction, fulfillment or reward when checking items off your To Do list, if you also pay attention to what is fundamentally driving you.

Below, I offer some thoughts on and practices for reminding you of your human path:

• Breathe. As in the verb: to breathe. Take a few deep breaths, slowly. Try it right now. You can give yourself 30 seconds of Self by doing just this—because when you focus on your breath, all else falls away— you give yourself an automatic physiological relief. We all have a point of stillness. Find yours and, paradoxically, use it to support your movement forward.

• Take a courageous step to create an opening for yourself by asking for information regarding how you are being in any of your roles (partner, friend, colleague, etc.).  Tell someone close to you that you’d like to try something new next year: to improve in an area that you think would make a significant positive difference in your overall satisfaction at home and/or work.

• Ask a question such as “I know my impatience is often an asset, but when it’s not, how could I manage it better in relation to you?”  Then listen, thank the person for sharing, ask the person to let you know when you are or are not succeeding.

• Give yourself a break, literally and figuratively. Celebrate movement toward a change or goal to keep your motivation up for traveling the rest of the way. If you took the leap to ask for feedback, congratulate yourself. Find your favorite song and play it; give yourself a few minutes to play your favorite video or Facebook game; enjoy a special cup of tea you brew yourself.

• Shift your worry habits around life’s uncertainties and ambiguities.  Worrying is a habit.  Learn how and when to worry and what to worry about. It can be done!  Just as you set a time to exercise, start to give limits to worrying by setting a 15 minute period each day (not near bed time) to worry.  Create a new habit of examining a particular belief on paper, for example: “my _____ (a person: manager, spouse, etc.) doesn’t listen to my suggestions”.  Write down: whether it really is true all the time; if not, under what conditions; what you could do about it; then let it go for the time being.  Watch to see if your responses and thoughts change over a week.

• Do some research on the internet to learn more about uncertainty, ambiguity and responses to them. Speak with a counselor or coach to work on modifying your thinking if worrying is getting in the way of achieving what you want or is causing you self doubt.

• Finally, it might help to think of progress checks like stepping on the brake in a car:  you gain time to see what’s coming toward you before deciding if you want to keep going in the direction you’re headed.  Doing so will enable you to change directions with less risk of crashing first.

What do you think?  Please declaire your thoughts, suggestions and tips by attaching a comment.

Wishing you peace, love, health, and success in 2011,

Cathy

The unexplored territory will be the eventual upturn in the economy.  Your staff –especially the better-than-average ones – might be enticed to determine their worth in the market place.  You will be left with vacant positions to fill.  While they are in search of references you could be in search of people who will be eager to come work with you. 

Leaders scout continuously for qualified people

How do you do that without scaring people into thinking you’re hiring to replace someone who has yet to be let go?  Here are some tips for making it easier to add the role of scout to your leadership abilities, regardless of the economic situation :

1)  Assume that all your staff could and would jump to another job, another company, or quit to walk the Appalachian Trail. Holding this belief, not just about your most valued people, leads you to take the approach that you don’t own them, but that you need to support them in their careers. This approach also leads you into knowledge sharing mode so that when someone does leave, their accumulated knowledge isn’t completely lost.

2)  Talk with your staff about what satisfies them and what they want to do or learn in the near future.  You can’t guarantee it for them, but then they aren’t guaranteed to stay either. This has both of you thinking about the future, not just past performance, and noticing opportunities you may be missing now.

3) If your organization surveys its employees, request that it include a question regarding whether people will be looking for a job elsewhere in the next 6-12 months, or take your own informal, anonymous survey.

4)  Explain that part of your job as leader is to scout for talented people, not wait for positions to be open before thinking about how to fill them. People want to work with others who are talented, and you want to be able to hire quickly and confidently should a position become available. You want to send your staff the message that they are talented (otherwise why are they working there and/or how well are you leading them?) and that you expect continued high performance.  

5)  Attend networking events and start talking to people who want to have the kind of jobs for which you could be hiring.  You’ll learn what kinds of people are interested in the job/company; you’ll learn how well you communicate and something about your “instincts”; and you’ll start building a network of people who might be interested should a position become available. In addition, you might find someone for whom a position could be created so that you don’t have to pass up a particularly good candidate. And you never know when you might meet someone who has a job for you.

That’s my observation, please feel free to declare yours in the comment space.

Cathy

We use the phrase frequently, easily, like Morse code: When someone tells you that you are “rocking the boat”

Double Mast Ship, Maine

it usually signals that you have done or said something that has caused a problem within a group of people who figuratively are in a boat together and presumably don’t want to end up scattered in the water!  The usage refers especially to trying to change a situation that most people don’t want to change.  The theme of people changing, wanting to change, wanting to be changed…isn’t there a song?…great theme for a musical, with a song called “Nicely Nicely Rocking the Boat”.  

When you want to change something, how do you go about it? Rock the boat? That’s one way. The literature on making and managing change successfully is huge. The steps I offer for making positive,sustainable change probably aren’t that much different than what you’d find in the textbooks.  But I have drawn some conclusions about making changes:

• Change is easy or hard depending on how committed you are to it.  Positive, sustainable change is about personal changes. Think of changes you’ve made easily, compare them to ones you want to make but don’t seem to get to…how do the commitment levels compare?  When someone asks when will they make a particular change, my reply often is: when you’re ready. Sometimes it takes a nudge from family, friend or coach to get ready but only you can get yourself ready.  Your staff won’t be ready if they sense you’re not.
• Rocking the boat isn’t all bad. One person’s fun wave is another’s typhoon. Remember rocking the boat as a kid, and it was ok if you ended up in the water? Swamping the canoe and righting it again was a required part of earning my canoeing certificate. You need to make sure you have the right conditions and that people are prepared for change: bathing suit and equipment, know how to swim and/or life preservers, know where shore is. Just because you are prepared, and might even look forward to dunking in the water, doesn’t mean others even want to climb into the boat.   
• Making sense is not the same as making meaning.  A change may make sense to you but to very few others.  Change requires that something be done differently; it requires action. Whatever that new action or behavior is, it requires that new meaning accompany it. Without the meaningfulness of change, people are not likely to change any behavior or habit. No matter how much sense it makes to you.  

Rocking the boat can be a way to shock others with cold waters of change. To engage people deeply enough to sustain change, make sure people understand why change is needed and have personal meaning attached to it. This is what I think; feel free to declaire what you think.

Cathy